You Show Me Your Pain, and I’ll Show You Mine
I’ve always been one to take the easy way out. I’m the first to find a detour if I can avoid a confronting situation and unless I’m pushed, I’ll sway towards the safe option. I’ve also dodged incredible opportunities out of fear. I couldn’t bear the thought of exposing a weakness or embarrassing myself.
When I arrived at a writing retreat in Fiji several years ago, I anticipated what I always had. The easy way. I was keen to publish my book and had a printed copy of the sixteen thousand words I’d written. I’d even designed a cover. In my fantasy, the retreat facilitator, Joanne Fedler said… ‘Oh Lisa, this is wonderful. Keep going and you’ll be able to publish your book before you know it.’
Hmmmm. To my surprise this is not what she said. She didn’t read a word of my work.
‘Why would I read anyone’s writing before I have taught them how to write?’ She said.
It made perfect sense.
Towards the end of the week, we had a ‘share what you’ve written’ ceremony. I swallowed a lot. Bah BOM… Bah BOM… Bah BOM… echoed in my ears. I wish I had more time to prepare, I’d thought. I ended up reading something safe and superficial, while the other women were raw and bared their souls.
When I returned to my room, I broke down. I couldn’t control my tears which made my eyes all puffy. How embarrassing. I’m not good enough. Who am I to think I can write a book? I had no one to talk to. I was alone with the negative voices in my head. I would have fled if I were closer to home. Burying the discomfort like I always had, instead of facing the tough stuff head on. I suspected I needed to approach writing my book in a way I wasn’t accustomed to. The hard way.
It was time to unravel the layers my ego had created to protect myself. I had to stop projecting the lie that somehow, I was not the same as everyone else. Although humans are categorically unique in so many ways, at our core we are very similar and we all experience suffering. We all have a desire to be loved, to be enough and to have a purpose.
So why don’t we help each other to get through the difficult times? Instead we pretend we are made of steel, which only serves to alienate us further.
It took Joanne and those brave women to lead the way. Giving me permission to stop wasting time on pointless pretending, and to honour my truth instead of worrying about what anyone else would think.
To move forward, I needed to: -
1) Allow myself the necessary time to deeply feel and process any negative emotions (that are normal for us all).
2) Accept that I am human and will make mistakes like everyone else.
3) Know that I am not alone and will only remain stuck as long as I choose to.
4) Understand that sharing my story could free myself and help others.
The reason our stories are universal is because we connect in our ‘sameness.’
But someone has to make the first move. I want to be that someone, like those women were for me. The Fiji trip was four years ago, and my book is unrecognisable.
My hope is that one day I will shine a beam of light for someone else. The Wizard of Oz would have been boring if Dorothy didn’t go the long way. Her ruby slippers could have taken her home at any time, but she needed to learn from the characters and challenges she met along her yellow path. Life gets easier when we accept that obstacles will always be there. They are there for us. To prepare us for what’s coming next.
I now welcome the challenges for growth presented to me, and release the need to find the easy way out.
I invite you to contemplate how expressing more vulnerability in your own life, could turn out to be a blessing.
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