Did I just say ‘wrote?’ The fact that I am using past tense to describe the book that I have been writing for over four years seems rather surreal. I’m not suggesting it’s ready for the shelves, but I have finally sent the draft to my editor. When I pressed ‘send,’ there was no marching band or fireworks, but inside there was a party going on. I relaxed my shoulders for the first time in weeks, and I gave my eyes a break from staring at the glowing screen of my computer.
Whenever we’re working on a mammoth task, we need to find ways to celebrate the mini achievements along the way. If not, the end goal seems too far away. If we waited until the final moment, we’d never have the motivation to take on anything big.
Writing a book wasn’t something that could be crossed off a to-do list in a couple of months, so to keep focused, I have rewarded myself each step of the way. When I chose a title… When I decided on the broad structure… As I completed each chapter… Sometimes I’d buy myself a small gift or treat myself to a massage, but most of the time it was simply a conscious acknowledgment of my progress.
There have been moments when I’ve felt like a failure. Why haven’t you finished yet? It’s taking too long. What is wrong with you? Maybe you should just give up. We tend to say things to ourselves that we would never say to our closest friends. We discourage ourselves while we encourage others. The transformation that I’ve experienced has made all the hard work worthwhile. If I didn’t balance the tough days with the little victories, then I could have easily given up.
There are valid reasons why it’s taken so long. During a session with a kinesiologist a few years back, he laughed as he said,
‘You need to read your own book.’
My body became rigid. My ego demanded that he was wrong. What would he know? How dare he say that, I’d thought. I later found out that he was spot on.
Just like a parent who wants to give their child something they didn’t have, I wanted to pass on something that I didn’t yet possess. I was trying to help others when I hadn’t truly healed myself. I had to live my story. Until we dig really deep, we only think we know who we are. I had understood a lot of the theories for decades, and I’d felt them in my heart, but they hadn’t been infused into my soul. It wasn’t something I’d done wrong. It was just that not enough time had passed to uncover my deeper truths. Only then, could I live the authentic life I’d dreamed of. Free of expectations, free of shame and free of judgement.
I used to scan the shelves searching for my ideal book. It exists now. It may not resonate with anyone else, but my book is the one I would have loved to have read, when I was searching for answers decades ago.
No matter what happens from here, I wrote a book.
Think about a sizeable task that you have been avoiding because it seems too much to take on. Break it down into workable sections and make a start. Remember to acknowledge and honour your progress as you complete each stage.
For now, I will take a step back (for however long as it takes) and let the universal energy breathe light into Where Have I Been All My Life? I know it’s getting closer to being birthed into the world. I can feel the movement inside me. I can’t wait to share my story with you. Maybe you’ll be as surprised as I was at the answers to the title question… The answers that only came to me as I wrote.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you want to hear more from me, please like my ‘Lisa Benson Author’ page on Facebook or follow me (lisabensonauthor) on Instagram.